When I was at the bottom of The Pit Of Despair, broken, shattered, and my brain was numb, the first thing my sponsor had me do was find things to be grateful for.
I thought, is she kidding me?
What do I have to be grateful for? I have no money, might lose my house, have no relationship having recently been dumped (by someone I actually consider a loser- what does that say about me if I can’t even keep a loser!) no career and no idea of what to do. The only thing I knew was I didn’t know anything.
She said “Do you have a safe place to sleep tonight?” Well, yes.
“Do you have some food in the house?” Yes.
“Do you have some gas in the car?” I think so, yes.
“Is your son ok?” Yes, thank god.
“Are you healthy?” Physically, (so far) yes.
“Right now, are you healthy?” Yes.
“Then there is a lot to be grateful for.”
As I pondered that, I added to the list: I could breathe clean air. I had lost a bunch of weight (because of the trauma) and I liked how I looked. I could take a good poop in the morning.
This didn’t actually lift my spirits, but it did stop my spinning into despair. It eased my breathing and gave me something to focus on that wasn’t doom and gloom. My sponsor wouldn’t let me qualify it. She kept me in the present moment and helped me to be in the now. I had not understood the importance of that concept. I had the habit of looking into the past with resentments and the future with fear. I was always on the defensive, angry and worried. I justified my attitudes with experiences. And in the end, it broke me.
I don’t want to live like that.
So how do we live any better?
Gratitude is a first step.
It’s a mystery at first. It feels false, like a Pollyanna approach to life. And how annoying are those kinds of people?
How do we find true gratitude when everything is total shit? How do I feel it in my heart?
It takes practice. We need to override the fear lizard in the brain.
The amygdala, the oldest part of our brains, is hardwired to see all the fears possible all around us, all the time. It’s how we survived when we lived in caves.
As we progressed through millennia, we have tamed our world so we don’t have to fear saber toothed tigers in the shrubs anymore. Unfortunately, the amygdala doesn’t know that.
Every fear we have makes us feel like we are going to die.
Add to that our brains are made to have fearful thoughts stick to it, and positive thoughts just slide right off. So we have to purposely WORK to stay positive. For every negative ( fear based) thought we have, we need to plug in 7 to 12 positive thoughts.
How do we create a thankful attitude, thereby bringing in more to be grateful for? It’s like going to the gym and working out new muscles to make them strong. You do it regularly.
Here are some steps to practice. ( I love steps!)
#1- Every morning before you get out of bed, think of 5 things to be grateful for. Make it different everyday. Some days I just start with “Hey, I woke up!”
#2- On 3×5 cards or post-its, make a stack of things to be grateful for like flash cards. A client of mine came up with this.
#3- Have a notebook where you make notes of things that happened that day you can be grateful for. Something someone did for you, a safe commute, a connection you made, a bill you were able to pay, a pretty flower you saw, something funny someone posted….
#4- Take your gratitude cards and stand in front of the mirror. For 5 minutes a day, say the things you are grateful for to yourself in the mirror, looking yourself in the eyes. You must have at least 10 of the cards be things about YOURSELF you are thankful for. Your sense of humor, handsome calves, good gums, wonderful work ethic, you’re a good friend….
#5- Journal in your thankfulness notebook what came up for you when you were doing #4. See what the themes are there. Those are things that need to be healed, so you can move forward towards the things you want in life.
#6- In your daily meditation ( you do meditate, right?) close your meditation with a few minutes of thankful thoughts. Do this on the breath. Breathing in ‘I am so grateful for’ and on the exhale name the thing. ‘Another healthy day’, ‘my friend Cindi’, ‘my cat didn’t barf on the floor’, or if he did barf on the floor, ‘I’m barf cleaning ninja!’.
Keep the breaths slow and peaceful. Do it at least 10 times. Just keep going for 3 minutes.
#7- Post in the Facebook group Epic Life Quest how you are doing and what you are grateful for. You’ll help others have ideas and find some new ones for yourself!
I am grateful for YOU!
#Loveyoumeanit
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